


finger-painting in the mess we made

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Scene, Angst, Arguing, Blood, Coda, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Queer Bashing, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: a compilation of all the codas/missing scenes/alternate scenes written about season 2 of Roswell New Mexico
Relationships: Jenna Cameron/Liz Ortecho, Maria DeLuca/Isabel Evans, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 79
Kudos: 163
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	1. 2x01 Coda

“So you guy’s got the body? Good. Good, that’s good.”

Michael huffed a laugh, unable to _not_ focus on the tense way Alex was holding himself. It wasn’t like that soft version he’d seen not too long ago, but it wasn’t like the guarded version either. It was something new. It was an Alex who was scared to push any buttons.

And, fuck, Michael hated that.

“Good? Is it really?” Michael asked, sauntering closer if only to push buttons that Alex seemed too scared to. “I have to keep that fucker’s body around longer than he deserves and you think it’s _good_?”

Alex just stared at him blankly, taking it. Why did he just keep fucking taking it? Michael wanted to scream at him, wanted to just say _hit me. Get it over with._

Instead, Michael prodded his chest. He stood his ground better this time.

“Why are you here?” he demanded. Alex moved out of his grip and made enough space to show the guitar. Michael’s face twisted into angry disbelief.

“Take it,” Alex said, voice soft and unusually welcoming, “There were no strings the first time, no strings this time. You said you’re done and I respect that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be nice to you.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at him. Even though his words said one thing, Michael knew better than to think it was the truth. It never was.

“Oh? No strings the first time? If I remember correctly–which I do–you used that to try to kiss me,” Michael said. Alex’s eyes blinked open a bit wider and he took a large step away.

Something about it had Michael feeling triumphant and horribly alone at the same time.

“That’s not what that was and you know it, but whatever. Just take the damn thing,” Alex said, laying it on the airstream’s little bed for him. “I don’t need it.”

Michael didn’t know what to say to that. Mainly because he didn’t understand why Alex was piling on the niceties. Weren’t they passed that? Wasn’t he well in the realm of leaving again?

Why was he still here?

“Also,” Alex said, taking a deep breath, “I know you don’t want to see what my family did to your mother. I understand. But I think… I think you should learn about her somehow. If you want me to proofread the files and redact anything that’s too explicit then I will do that for you. Just… I’ll follow your cues, okay?”

For the first time, Michael looked at Alex and felt nothing but hatred and anger.

“Why the fuck are you acting like some patron saint?” Michael all but spat. He expected Alex to scream. He expected Alex to push him. He expected Alex to insult him. He at least expected him to raise his voice.

Instead, Alex gave a small, pitiful smile and gave his head a little shake.

“No strings.”

Alex left the room just in time to miss the confused tears fill his eyes.


	2. 2x02 Missing Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I get it. If I could choose to be with Maria Deluca, I would."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forever irritated that was left so unfinished

“I get it. If I could be with Maria DeLuca, I would.”

Michael huffed, rolling his eyes as he looked away from Alex. What the fuck was that even supposed to mean? Why did he never make sense?

“Listen,” Alex started again. When Michael looked at him, he found him standing so close. Was he always that close? Probably. “I’ll still help you if you’ll let me. I want to help you.”

Michael scoffed, “What don’t you get about me liking Maria?”

“What don’t _you_ get about me wanting to help you anyway?” Alex shot back, “I don’t even really give a shit about how you feel about me anymore. All I know is I finally have the means to do something for you. Let me.”

“Why?” Michael asked, “What do you get out of it? What do you want from me?”

Alex stared at him for a minute, something in his eyes that Michael couldn’t quite understand. Or maybe he could and he didn’t want to. He never knew which he was actually doing anymore.

“Nothing,” Alex said finally, voice calm and honest, “I don’t want anything from you. I just want to help.”

“So, what? We work together, try not to fall into old habits?” he asked. Alex smiled slightly.

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” he said. Michael didn’t know whether to be insulted or relieved. “Regardless of what we are, you are still my family. You can push me away all you want, but I’m staying.”

“I don’t want to be your family, Alex.”

Again, that look appeared in Alex’s eyes and he couldn’t decipher it.

“That’s okay too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


	3. 2x02 Coda (Maribel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria can't stop worrying about Isobel.

“Isobel? Isobel, you okay in there?”

Maria could _handle_ her mother going missing. She could _handle_ Michael giving her mixed signals like nobody’s business. She could _handle_ the neverending desire to check on Isobel Evans ever since she came to her event. She couldn’t, however, handle them all at once. She decided that she needed to just eliminate the easiest one so that _maybe_ she could kiss her not-quite-boyfriend without thinking about his friend.

“Isobel!” Maria continued, knocking a little harder. The door eventually swung open and Maria couldn’t help but be shocked at the fact that Isobel actually looked bad.

Her skin was a sickly pale, she had massive bags under her eyes, and her hand was shaking from where it was holding onto the door. Why did Maria know that? She shook the thought out of her head.

“What?” Isobel demanded.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Isobel furrowed her eyebrows and scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Am _I_ okay?” Isobel said, “You’re the one who showed up here at a ridiculous time of morning.” 

“It’s noon,” Maria responded. Isobel blinked a few times, bracing herself on the door. “Look, I’ve just had a bad feeling and I couldn’t shake it, so I came to check on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You look sick,” Maria pointed out. Isobel shook her head. “Do you want me to call Michael?”

Isobel scoffed, “No. I’m fine. I don’t need your weird pseudo-psychic feelings turned on me.”

“If I could ignore it, I would and you know it,” Maria told her. That seemed to silence her at least a little bit. “Just let me do _something_ so I can convince myself I helped and I can forget about ever wasting my time to come see you.”

Isobel stared at her for a moment, not seeming to be able to hold herself up straight. Maria felt herself fill with confusion as Isobel turned her head and started coughing so hard that _Maria_ could feel it.

She didn’t even know what to say or do, so she just stood froze as the coughing subsided and Isobel pulled her hand away to reveal blood. Maria’s eyes went wide and she took a step closer.

“Okay,” Isobel said weakly, “Can you call Liz?”

“Liz? I’m going to call an ambulance!” Maria insisted, but Isobel shook her head and used her not-bloodstained hand to grab her. 

“No, please just call Liz,” she begged. Maria grabbed onto her to help her stay on her feet and nodded without much more thinking.

“Okay, I’ll call Liz.”


	4. 2x02 Coda (Malex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael caves and goes to Alex for help.

“Okay.”

Alex looked over his shoulder to see that Michael had just waltzed onto his back porch. Again. Instead of letting his irritation rise to the surface, he prepared himself and smiled towards his favorite alien.

“Okay what?” Alex asked. Michael’s jaw visibly clenched and he raised his chin high. Alex would forever wonder what about him instigated the _fight_ response in him.

“I’ll work with you,” Michael said, “Valenti said some shit that was stupid, but he did point out that you’re already involved so there’s no point in trying to get rid of you.”

Alex licked his lips and continued to smile. How long would it be until he fucking stopped? It was getting harder and harder to take.

“So, uh, what does working together mean?” Michael asked. Alex huffed a laugh.

“I’ve gone through a lot of the files already, I can give them to you or tell you what I know and we can brainstorm on how to use that information,” Alex suggested, “Whichever works for you.”

Michael looked down at his feet and blew out a heavy breath of air. 

“Tell me,” he said, “Not really in the mood to see alien torture.”

“I get it,” Alex said. He sat back in his chair and gestured forward. “I’ll tell you everything I know.”

Michael slowly and dramatically mosied on over to the chair, flopping into it like he lost control of his limbs. His legs splayed as far apart as anatomically possible and his posture didn’t even try to be effective all while a little pout seemed permanently etched on his lips. Alex couldn’t even stop himself from smiling.

This was going to be interesting.


	5. 2x03 Alternate Scene (Liz x Jenna)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those scenes were sapphic as fuck and I feel robbed, so I wrote it myself.

“I’ve tried your coping mechanism. You wanna try mine?”

Liz looked up to Jenna, blinking maybe a little too innocently as she took in that smirk on her face. She didn’t know _much_ about the relationship she had with Max, but she did know it’d been explained as nothing more than a little fling to pass the time. A coping mechanism, if you will.

“What exactly does that entail?” she asked, shifting her body to face Jenna completely. Her eyes looked her up and down, biting her lip in that seductive way that Liz never understood. How did people even do that? It didn’t matter, Jenna did it amazingly.

Her chest rose and fell with a breath and she said, “What do you want it to entail?”

Liz made a small noise of protest and she tilted her head. “Too vague.”

“Well, I guess it depends. We _could_ go shoot, I have my gun in my car, but we could also…”

“Also what?” Liz prodded. Jenna huffed a laugh and shook her head.

“Nothing, let’s just go shoot.”

“No, tell me, also what,” she urged, reaching out for the blonde and grabbing her wrist. Jenna stared at her hand for a moment, her eyes trailing up her arm and over her neck and lingering on her lips for a moment before meeting her eyes. Liz breathed in deep and couldn’t help how strange it was that this didn’t feel strange at all.

“When me ‘n Max used to hook up, it was to blow off steam,” Jenna said, that confidence never leaving her. It was like she knew exactly what she was doing. Liz grinned and pulled her closer. “I know you’re still pining after your dead lover, but I _don’t_ know what you’re open to in the way of coping.”

Liz scoffed, shaking her head. She pulled her even closer. Jenna went willingly.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty open to anything you’re willing to show me,” Liz insisted. Jenna’s tongue traced the inside of her teeth and she tugged Liz in completely, the only thing separating them being the bottle of wine.

“I suddenly understand what we have in common,” Jenna said. Liz grinned right back, pushing herself onto her toes to get a little closer. She could taste Jenna’s whiskey-laced breath on her lips and, God, that was otherwordly.

“Me too.”

Turns out, there was a lot more two people could do in a lab that they both knew Max would never.


	6. 2x04 Coda (Malex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not leaving, Alex,” Michael said, “And you’re not the one keeping me here.”

Michael watched as the piece Alex gave him fit perfectly with the others.

In theory, if he wanted, he could leave. He had the information he needed to just finish what he started and _leave_. He finally, finally had it.

And somehow he’d also been given the information he needed to stay.

Without too much thought, Michael climbed in his truck and headed towards Alex’s house. Sure, it was almost two in the morning and Alex was probably asleep, but this seemed more important than unbroken sleep.

He knocked on the door for a solid three minutes before Alex opened it, hair sticking up every which way from sleep. Michael gave himself a moment to appreciate it before getting down to business.

“What are you—“

“I’m not leaving, Alex,” Michael said, “And you’re not the one keeping me here.”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, blinking a few times as he let the words settle. His eyes were red still. How long had he cried for them to be red still?

“Look, you say you can’t be like them and take anything away from me anymore, but you’re not. You never have, not really. You aren’t like them, Alex. I don’t care how many times I have to tell you that you aren’t them to get you to understand, but I’ll do it. You’re so much better,” Michael gushed. Alex just avoided eye contact, still looking wounded. Michael stepped closer. “Look at me.”

“Michael.”

“Look at me,” he urged, softer this time. Alex took a deep breath and turned to face him with glassy eyes. Michael grabbed his free hand and put it over his heart, stepping in just one step closer. “You are not a bad thing.”

“You can’t just—“

“Alex,” Michael said, “You are not a bad thing.”

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and folded his lips in, his jaw clenching. Michael rested his forehead on his and squeezed his hand.

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to anymore.”

“I don’t want to stand in the way of you getting what you want.”

“Hey, not everything’s about you, Alex,” Michael told him. It got a tiny little laugh out of him and got him to open his eyes. “What I want is to stay here.”

“Why? You’ve wanted to leave since you were a kid and you wanted to leave when you showed me your ship a few months ago and you wanted to leave a few hours ago when I gave you that piece, what changed?” Alex asked. Michael took a deep breath and tried to make sense of things in his mind. 

“I guess I didn’t really realize anyone wanted me around,” he admitted.

“You know Isobel and Max wanted you,” Alex told him. Michael shook his head.

“Nah, I knew they needed me. I could do stuff they couldn’t,” he said, but quickly shook it off, “But I’m learning and I want to stay. Not because of you, but because of me.”

Alex took a deep breath again and then another one. Michael just stared at him and took him in from up close. He wanted more up close stuff again. However, they weren’t there yet, so he had to peel himself away and take a step back.

“You’re a good person, Alex,” he said firmly, “You may be a Manes, but you’re better than all of them combined and then some. I promise. And, like I said, I’ll repeat it until you believe me.”

“Okay,” Alex said softly, pulling his hand away from Michael’s heart, “Okay.”

Michael smiled and nodded. “Goodnight, Alex. You’re a good person.”

“Goodnight, Michael. So are you.”


	7. 2x04 Coda #2 (Forlex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, hey, alien guy’s alien friend.”

“Oh, hey, alien guy’s alien friend.”

Alex turned slowly at that, turning to see Forrest standing there in the library which was apparently his most common watering hole. But Alex could play nice to the guy that gave them a lot of information. Albeit, it was misdirected information, but that was almost better.

“Hello,” Alex said. Forrest smiled at him and nodded. Alex huffed a little laugh. A blue-haired, Nazi-obsessed, dorky Long. Wasn’t that just a weird sentence. “Alex, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, I’m Forrest.”

“I know.”

“I knew your name too,” Forrest fumbled out. Alex furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. “Like, I heard Michael say your name and stuff, so… And, also, I’ve heard about you. War hero and stuff. Well, kinda, I know you had a parade. I mean, I wasn’t _there_ at the parade, but I hear about things. You know, like I heard about… you… war hero.”

Alex just kept staring and smiling politely, wondering just how much he could get him to ramble. And he did indeed ramble until his face started turning red and he realized Alex found it amusing. He shrugged his shoulders limply and smiled.

“So, what are you doing here?” Forrest asked. Alex held up the book in his hands.

“Research,” he said. It was a book on different real life UFO sightings considering that now felt like a needed avenue to venture into despite Michael’s hesitance. Forrest nodded with an impressed look on his face.

“So you guys are, like, really into aliens.”

“And you’re really into Nazis.”

“To each their own, right?” Forrest said. Alex nodded. “You don’t talk much.”

“Leaves room for you to,” Alex said. Forrest blinked in surprise, his shoulders straightening a little bit. Alex simply tilted his head and smiled. For a Long, he was actually kind of cute. And, well, maybe he liked hearing him ramble. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“N-no, it didn’t come off as rude. It more so came off as, well, never mind,” he decided. Alex licked his bottom lip and chuckled softly, giving Forrest a quick little once over. Forrest seemed even more shocked by that which already had the gears turning in Alex’s head. Maybe there was another weird thing to add to Forrest’s description. “Um, so, like… You wanna learn about Nazis?”

“Do you wanna teach?” Alex asked. Forrest held his chin high.

“You? Absolutely.”

Alex smiled and looked him up and down again, being a little more obvious and not finding room for shame in him for it. Forrest didn’t seem to be embarrassed by it either.

“Well, that definitely didn’t come off as rude either,” Alex said, “Lead the way.”

If Alex spent two hours listening to him ramble about conspiracy theories, no one had to know.


	8. 2x04 Coda #3 (Malex + Liz)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max's pod went out and Michael loses it.
> 
> warning: panic attack

“No. No, no, no, Michael, what did you _do?!”_

Michael couldn’t find any air in his lungs as he stared at the dark pod. Max was still inside, but it didn’t seem to be alive anymore. _He_ didn’t seem to be alive anymore.

Liz was in front of it, in action as she tried to rig something to make it start back up. He could hear her starting to cry, starting to lose it all over again as she begged him to help. She’d gotten her hopes back up. _He’d_ gotten her hopes back up. Why was he so good at destroying other people’s hope?

“Michael! Help me!”

“I-I don’t know,” he said, staring at the lifeless pod with a growing deadness inside himself, “I’ve never seen the light go out. I don’t know.”

“I think you just overloaded the pod with the generator. Help me detatch it and I’ll figure it out,” Liz dictated. He still couldn’t find it in him to move. He didn’t want to touch anything anymore. He was tired of doing damage. So much damage. “Michael! Help me!”

Instead, he took a step back.

“I am so close to figuring this out, just help me fix what you broke!” 

He turned around and all but ran back to his truck, starting it up and _leaving._ He needed to get out of there immediately. What he broke. He broke it. He messed up. He messed up.

He messed up.

He got to whatever stopping point his body let him and he could barely breathe. He was gasping shaking and his eyes refused to focus. His chest felt like it was going to explode or burn down or both and it was constricting more and more with each gasp. Tears filled his eyes as he bowed his head between his forearms. He messed up. He overloaded it. He ruined their chances. He took away their hope again.

He didn’t notice the porch light of the house he’d stopped at turn on and he definitely didn’t notice the front door open.

In fact, he didn’t notice anything until the car door open and his panic shot up even more, outright sobbing as his throat closed and something seemed to claw at his lungs and he moved away from the door. His whole body ached and his brain shut down.

“Michael! Hey, hey, look at me!”

Someone grabbed his wrists, forcing him to look at the person. Alex sat in front of him in the driver’s seat of his truck, eyes worried and face soft. Michael shook his head, his chest aching even more.

“Michael, Michael, it’s okay, it’s okay. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe with me,” Alex said softly, but Michael could barely hear him over his heart thudding in his ears. He still couldn’t breathe. Alex tightened his grip on his wrists, scooting closer to him. “It’s just a panic attack, okay? You’re okay. I’m right here. Focus on me.” 

“I-I can’t—“

“Focus on me, okay?” Alex repeated, holding onto his wrists and making eye contact as best he could. Michael still felt like he was dying. “Focus on me. Look at me, focus on me. I’m real, I’m here. What do I look like? What do I sound like? What do I feel like? Focus on me.”

“What?” Michael croaked, a sob stealing it’s place. Alex just kept staring.

“You don’t have to stay it out loud, just do it in your head. What do I look like? What do I sound like? What do I feel like? Just focus on me, all on me. Every little bit of your mind on me, okay?”

Michael tried, tried so hard to listen. He took note of Alex’s dark hair, ruffled from a long day. His skin was tan and beautiful as always, but seemed even more so after a day in the sun. His eyes were wide and kind, just as endearing as always. He had stubble dotting his chin which felt like a direct contrast to his high, model-esque cheekbones. He sounded calm. He felt like home.

His chest didn’t felt as impossibly tight as it did before. It still ached, but he could get in a breath.

“Okay,” Michael said hoarsely and Alex smiled. They took a few seconds or minutes or lifetimes to breathe together until Michael seemed stable. It just left him with a headache and feeling exhausted and like absolute shit. Because he was absolute shit. He’d fucked up so bad.

“Hey,” Alex cooed, letting go of one wrist to touch his cheek, “Where’d that come from? What happened?”

Michael shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes all over again. Alex moved his hand to the back of his head and pulled his face into the crook of his neck. He held him there with a hand cradling his head and another one pressing into his back. Michael clung onto him like a lifeline. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to talk. It’s okay.”

Michael stayed there in his grasp for longer than he knew he should have. But once Alex found out what he did, he wouldn’t talk to him again. He just knew it. No one would. He’d fucked up. He ruined their chances at bringing back Max.

Those ship details couldn’t have come at a better time.


	9. 2x06 Coda (Alex's Lament)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex says his piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mentions of sexual assault and queer-bashing
> 
> Sending my love to everyone!

“Please don’t touch me.”

Michael furrowed his eyebrows, confusion seeping into his system as he watched Alex take labored breaths in the doorway of his house. He didn’t understand. He thought they were at least on the same page this time. 

“Alex?” he asked. 

“Go. Away.” Alex’s tone was sharp, doing it’s best to hide what he was feeling. Whatever he was feeling. 

“Are you mad at me or something?” he asked, taking a step closer again. He touched Alex’s arm gently, hardly, and yet Alex still whipped around to get away from him like he was the plague. His face was red, eyes glassy. “Why are you upset? I thought we were good.”

“ _Good?_ You thought we were _good?”_ Alex asked, scoffing as he glared at him, “Where the hell did you get that we’re _good?”_

Michael stared at him, curious to how he didn’t think they _weren’t._ Sure, when they hooked up, it didn’t always mean they were good, but he usually had an understanding on why they weren’t. This time… This time he was admittedly a little lost.

“The other night… That was fine, right? Like, you were down for it, weren’t you? You said it was okay but now you’re acting weird,“ he asked. He didn’t mean to sound rude or insensitive, but Alex reacted like he’d been burned. “Alex, I’m trying to understand.”

“Just leave me alone,” Alex said, “Tell everyone to leave me alone. I-I need to get away for a little while.”

“Alex, c’mon, you’re overreacting,” Michael tried. Again, that hurt look hit his face and Michael hated it. He hated seeing him hurt and he hated it so much more when he was the one doing it. Funnily enough, it wasn’t even on purpose this time.

“Overreacting? Guerin, what are you missing? I said I wanted to leave, but you didn’t want me to, so I didn’t,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest protectively and tears beginning to fall.

Something tightened in Michael’s chest, panic and fear and a couple other things he couldn’t quite name. "What are you trying to say?”

“A line was crossed, one I can’t come back from. I have spent most of my life knowing that I’m gay without a shadow of a doubt and I’ve dealt with bullshit on top of bullshit because of it. I’ve been beaten and harassed and humiliated, but I always knew who I was. And then I just… I just did what you wanted me to. Do you not get how much that hurts? How stupid I feel? I literally don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror. I feel gross and like, like I can’t fucking breathe. Like, how low do I actually think of myself that I would do that for _you_? Because I didn’t want to upset either of you?How much lower can I put myself so I can please you before I can’t take it anymore, do you know? Because I’ve never been so scared of what I’m willing to do to please than I am right now. I just… I thought you loved me. And now I can’t take it back.”

Michael swallowed hard, watching Alex cry openly for the first time ever. He wasn’t trying to hold them back, he wasn’t trying to be strong, he was just crying. Because of him.

“It was just sex,” Michael tried, his voice cracking. Alex moved his hand to his mouth and closed his eyes, muffling the sound as he broke a little bit more. 

“No,” Alex said, “Not for me. Not when it’s you.”

“ _Alex.”_

“Get off my property or I’m calling the police.”

Alex turned and disappeared into his house, locking the door tight and leaving him alone. 

Of all the handful of times it felt like they were over, this one seemed to be the only one he didn’t see a way out of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *little note that I wrote this very fresh after finding out what went down. I don't necessarily think I portrayed Michael in the way I think he actually feels about this situation/how he would feel if Alex said this. Well it's close but not quite.


	10. 2x08 Coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes to explain himself to Forrest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for referenced queer bashing and child abuse because Jesse sucks

It took Alex two weeks.

“Hey,” Alex said, awkwardly making his way into the gay bar he felt out of place in. He’d gone there three nights in a row hoping to catch Forrest so they could talk and he finally caught him. It seemed easier than actually calling him up. “Can we talk?”

Forrest turned to him, smile kind and expression open to whatever bullshit Alex was going to tell him. He wanted so badly to be open, out, and proud just like him, but he was struggling. Hell, being here was a feat in itself.

“Yeah, of course,” Forrest agreed. Alex shifted his weight and looked around, part of him just waiting for someone to say something. They wouldn’t, he knew they wouldn’t, but the fear never left him. 

“Um,” he started, taking a steadying breath, “Look, I don’t wanna, like, make you pity me and I don’t wanna go into detail, but I just wanted to sort of explain myself.”

“Alex,” Forrest said, shaking his head, “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“No, but I want to. Because I feel stupid that I’m almost 30 and I’m still, like, scared to be open,” he said, holding his chin high as if that would help him feel less embarrassed, “When I was 17, my dad caught me with another boy. He... responded extremely violently to that and part of me is always going to expect that type of reaction. Because that was in private and I still got punished, so what’s going to happen if I’m in public, you know?”

“Fuck, Alex, I didn’t know,” he said. Forrest looked all sad now and Alex didn’t like that either. He didn’t want pity or anything, he just needed to say it so he didn’t think he was just being skittish. He was stronger than that.

“I know and I don’t want you to feel bad. I’m just saying. I _want_ to say fuck you to all the bigots around here and get out of the closet for good, but I need to just move slow with someone so I can kinda prove to myself that I’m not going to be punished. It’s a process. I understand if you aren’t interested in accommodating that, but I thought I’d try to explain myself. Because I’m not trying to drag you back into a closet, I’m trying to take a step out.”

“And it’d be easier if I led the way,” Forrest filled in. Alex shrugged a shoulder.

“Easier,” he said, “ _Funner.”_

Forrest smiled at him at that, turning his body completely to face Alex and that confident stance finding his shoulders again. It was unnecessarily hot. Half the time, when he stood like that, Alex didn’t know if he wanted to be him or fuck him. He decided both was a totally acceptable option.

“Well, you’re in a gay bar. That feels like a step,” Forrest said, “And you _were_ the one to ask me out.”

“I’m trying,” Alex said, giving a bright smile right back, “Like I said, I don’t want to drag you down. I do like you.”

“I think I can work with that,” he said. Alex relaxed his shoulders and smiled a little wider.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, gesturing to the stool beside him, “Stay? Maybe we can talk a little.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Alex said, sitting down. He felt young and awkward, but there was a cute guy that wanted him around and was willing to work with him and that felt amazing.

They sat there for a couple hours, laughing and sharing stories in a way they weren’t able to during paintball. Sure, they didn’t really touch, but they sat close enough and it felt like a date. It felt like a step in the right direction. He’d taken this step before, with Michael at the drive-in, but here there was no one to pull him aside to make him scared and Forrest wasn’t about to do something illegal. This was new and _safe_.

Eventually, they headed out of the bar and Forrest walked him to his car, their shoulders brushing just enough to make Alex’s heart thud in his chest.

“I had fun tonight,” Forrest said.

“Me too. Maybe...” Alex said, looking around as he tried to think of what to say, what to ask. Did he ask to do it again? Did he kiss him in somewhere so public and risk having a panic attack on the ride home? Technically, this _was_ a third date. This should be where they kiss. But, as he saw people around the parking lot, he couldn’t do it. Not here at least. “Maybe you’d wanna go for a ride?”

Forrest smirked, tilting his head and his tongue sliding over his teeth. Alex was slightly terrified of his answer, but overwhelmingly excited that he’d asked. He didn’t want this night to end without a kiss at least.

“Sure,” Forrest agreed, “Where’re you gonna take me?”

“You’ll see,” Alex said, gesturing to the passenger side of his truck. Forrest complied easily.

Alex didn’t actually know where to take him that’d be private. He could take him to his and Michael’s spot in the desert, but that didn’t sound fair. He wanted to make new memories, not replay old ones.

So, Alex drove out to the closed, dark park and Forrest laughed.

“Are you gonna kill me?”

“No,” he insisted, “C’mon.”

Alex led the way after he parked his truck, heading him down a trail and towards the swing set. There was no one around and no one _would be_ coming around. He’d come here enough times since he was a kid to know that. He was safe here.

“Interesting choice, Captain,” Forrest laughed softly as they both sat on the swings. They didn’t actually swing, just simply sat and twisted and turned as they smiled at each other. 

“We’re alone here,” Alex clarified, “I come here when I wanna be alone. Teenagers go loiter in the desert in the middle of the night, not here, so it’s all safe and quiet. No one’s gonna bother us.”

“Oh,” Forrest said, smirking again like it clicked in his head. Alex was kind of glad it did. He reached out and grabbed the chain of Alex’s swing, tugging him a bit closer. It had childish excitement coursing through Alex’s veins, the scene all the similar to something he’d wanted when he was a teenager. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Alex said instantly. Forrest smiled, keeping one hand on the swing to keep him close while the other met his cheek as he leaned in. They met in the middle in a relatively chaste kiss. Alex pulled away just a little bit, staring at him and making sure everything was okay. Once he was sure it was, he moved back in for another.

He locked his good leg around one of Forrest’s, tugging him a bit closer as they kissed. Alex couldn’t help but smile as he felt Forrest let go of the swing to put his hand on Alex’s side, keeping it PG but also making it clear he was absolutely interested.

They kissed for awhile at the awkward angle until it dissolved into laughter, staring at each other for a moment. Alex never wanted to let this feeling go. And, maybe he didn’t have to.

“Maybe... Maybe we could–”

“Let’s not rush,” Forrest said, voice all suave like it always was before he kissed Alex’s cheek, “Let’s get you more comfortable being yourself first.”

“Okay,” Alex agreed, still smiling, “I can bring you back to your car?”

“Okay,” Forrest said, nodding, “But... We could make out in your truck first? You know, compromise.”

Alex laughed open and honestly, nodding as he tugged him in for one more kiss on the swings before he untangled himself from him. They pretty quickly made it back to Alex’s truck, kissing against it before getting inside and kissing more and laughing through it all. It made him feel young in a way he couldn’t quite describe. Was this what normal teenagers did? Was this what he missed out on?

When Alex got home that night and crawled into bed by himself, he found that he was still smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. Yeah, there was no way he was going to let his dad ruin this.


	11. 2x10 Missing Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the trip to the reservation, they have a talk about Forrest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _idea courtesy of[@wolfmiller-28](https://wolfmiller-28.tumblr.com) on tumblr_
> 
> **tags for this chapter: jealousy**

"So... A Nazi."

"Excuse me?" Max, Isobel, and Maria all asked at different levels of concern in response to Michael's offhanded statement. Or, it wasn't really offhand. Alex knew what he meant that's all that mattered in the moment.

"He's not a Nazi," Alex sighed. Michael just kept staring forward, trying to rationalize how happy Alex had seemed when Forrest invited him to _write a song_ with him later. What kind of 90s teen movie was this?

It didn't seem to help that be was smashed between Isobel and Maria, two psychics who shamelessly had their dials on him turned up to 10. He could feel them. He felt trapped and that only made him want to instigate Alex more.

"He researches Nazis," Michael said, eyeing him and looking for any telltale signs that Alex might actually be interested, "Looked like he wants to research you too."

"Okay, stop," Alex said, shaking his head, “You don’t get to police who I’m friends with.”

“I’m _not_ policing who you’re friends with. I’m simply concerned that you’re philandering with a Nazi,” Michael said.

“ _Philandering?”_ Max repeated.

“You were friends with him first,” Alex said.

“I was not!”

“Yes, you were!”

“Children!” Isobel cut in, eyeing them both with far too much amusement, “You don’t have to argue over the pretty blue-haired boy.”

Michael scoffed, “He’s _not_ pretty.”

“I don’t know, he’s kind of pretty,” Alex told him, the stern-voiced Captain showing his face despite his words. The locked eyes through the rear view mirror until Michael sunk back in his seat, deciding it wasn’t worth the fight. “Listen, if you have actual concerns about my affiliation with another veteran, then you can tell me in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re accusing him of something.”

“He’s definitely pretty,” Isobel chimed in, an intrigued smile on her face as she basically pushed Michael out of the way to lean to speak with Alex. “Have you gone out with him yet?”

Alex’s eyes flickered to Michael’s in the rear view mirror before avoiding them entirely.

“One date. I kinda tanked it though.”

“Oh, shut up, you’re a hot piece of ass and he’s clearly still interested.”

Alex laughed. Like a real, genuine laugh. Michael tried not to roll his eyes at that. While he loved hearing his laugh, he didn’t love what incited it. That was just plain rude.

Maria’s hand slid into Michael’s space, though, lacing her fingers with his and giving him a little encouraging smile. He didn’t know what exactly she was encouraging, but he leaned back into the seat and tried to stop being so annoyed anyway.

What was so annoying, anyway? It was just Alex and the guy who he had a small rivalry with at the library. Maybe that’s why he was annoyed. Forrest, even though they weren’t exactly _friends,_ was the only person Michael had ever known by himself and not secondhand from someone else. Now he was Alex’s person. Yeah. That was why he was annoyed.

“Why haven’t you kissed him yet, then? He’s hot, he’s interested, what’s the problem?” Isobel asked. Alex sighed, shifting in his seat.

“I don’t really wanna talk about that,” he said, “Not here, at least.”

“C’mon, we’re all friends,” Maria prodded, still holding Michael’s hand as she leaned forward.

“If the man doesn’t want to speak, don’t force him,” Max said.

“Max, your opinion on this matter is pointless. Alex, spill,” Isobel prodded. Michael really, _really_ did not want to hear about it. Was he secretly homophobic? No, that couldn’t be it... Right?

“We just... We have different definitions of what _out of the closet_ means,” Alex decided on. Michael furrowed his eyebrows as he listened. They caught each other’s gaze in the rear view mirror again before Alex turned to look out the window. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Well, it does. What, is he not out enough for you?” Isobel asked. Alex huffed a laugh.

“No, he’s definitely out and proud. Which, look, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m happy for him. But I’m just not a fan of PDA and he wants a lot of that. So we sort of clash,” Alex explained.

“That sounds like something you both could compromise on, though, if you like each other enough,” Maria suggested. Alex shrugged.

“I don’t know, maybe.”

Which is when Michael received a swift swat to the arm from Isobel.

“What did I do?!” he scoffed.

“You made him feel guilty for having a friend,” she said.

“I did not!” he protested.

“You did too!”

“I did _not!”_

 _“_ Children,” Alex said, mimicking Isobel but in a much more _Captain_ tone. It struck Michael in his stomach and his blood seemed to run cold. Oh. He was annoyed about the wrong person. “You don’t have to argue over the Air Force Captain.”

“Well, _I_ think you should go after him,” Isobel said, again leaning over Michael to get to him. Alex huffed a laugh and nodded.

“Well, I’m meeting him tonight, so we’ll see what happens.”

“Oh, good, we’re here,” Max said, breathing a sigh of relief. Isobel laughed and Michael couldn’t bring himself to get out as quickly as everyone else.

“Hey,” Maria said, squeezing his hand, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay,” she said, as she pushed open the door, “If you’re worried about Alex. I get it. But he’s not fragile. He’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I know.”

But Michael wasn’t so sure _he_ would be.


	12. 2x13 Coda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know you probably expected something sweet, but we have a whole hiatus of that. Here's something that I think would be fucking hilarious as the first scene of season 3. Warning: death

“Max, what the fuck did you do?”

“What did _I_ do? I didn’t do anything!” Max argued. 

The Other Max, Max 2.0, or, technically, Max _1.0,_ stood there in front of them. He had a cartoon villain smile and a beard some childish instinct in Michael wanted to yank. 

“He’s, like, a clone,” Isobel whispered. The Other Max grinned even more, shaking his head.

“I’m not the clone,” he said, “He is.”

Michael and Isobel slowly turned their heads to look at their Max and then back to the First Max, trying to decide if this was a good idea. Should they even listen to him when he was clearly a bad guy? They _knew_ he was a bad guy. Michael’s mother _said_ he was a bad guy to a Manes of all people. Clearly, bad news.

Michael eyed him, taking a step back.

“You see, where we’re from, the true way for royals to continue are to be cloned. When I die, he was supposed to take over,” the Definitely Not Quite Max went on. The more he talked, the more Michael felt uninterested. He reached into his pocket for that nifty little pocket knife. Always bring a knife to a gun fight, right? “But things went wrong. They, they said _I_ was wrong. What’s so wrong about--”

Cutting him off mid-sentence, Michael threw the pocket knife right at the Questionably Not Max and used a little bit of telekinesis for aim precision and force. It very quickly got lodged in his throat, his eyes going wide as he stumbled back and began to bleed and choke.

“Michael!” Max and Isobel both yelled.

“What?” he asked, “I took one for the team.”

“He was going to give us information!”

“You’re going to trust information from a dead guy?”

“He wasn’t dead yet!”

“Well,” Michael, watching the Evil Clone Max fall to the ground and stop moving. He nodded to himself. “I really don’t think we wanted more of that. Feel like I did us all a favor.”

“I mean... Honestly, Max, I think he’s right,” Isobel agreed, “Did we really need two of you?”

Max looked offended before slowly but surely coming around. He sighed as he looked down at the Not Him, his shoulders slumping.

“What if I become that?” he asked. Michael clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll be nicer if you do. C’mon, I was promised donuts.”


End file.
